By Katie Metcalf
Memior of fight with anorexia
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Inside, she was still screaming. Meanwhile, Dawn had managed to gain enough weight and get off bed rest, which encouraged me enormously to battle with the voice that was still controlling me. ” I was getting sick and tired of my life on bed rest and the same routine day after day after day was taking its toll on my sanity. I began to listen more to what the doctors, nurses and my family had to say, not that I agreed with all of it. I was told, and I now knew, that it was me, and only me who could change things.
When I finished, I got out and dressed as quickly as possible. Sabina had no idea about my exercise in the shower, as the water had successfully muted the thudding I created on the shower tiles. I was glad the first ordeal was over, but I was positive that she’d seen some of my body and so I couldn’t look her in the eyes. But she reassured me over and over again that she had seen absolutely nothing. Over time, having to be supervised in the shower became less of an issue (even though I still hated it) and I became skilled at undressing quickly and showering in under five minutes.
I instantly thought she was far, far thinner than I was, and couldn’t possibly imagine myself weighing less than she did. When she smiled, all her amazingly white teeth shone back at me, and her skin was taut but flawless over sleek cheekbones. To me, she was a beauty, and I felt like hiding in shame at my ‘fatness’. Now I realise, when I browse through old photographs that actually she looked just like a clothed skeleton, and so did I. Dawn started writing letters to me shortly after we met, encouraging me to ignore the voice.
Anorexia by Katie Metcalf